Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
