can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I still have a little drunk in my system
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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