So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
