White coat. Heels.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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