Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You took a bar mat shot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
