I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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