No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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