Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
