Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
