Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
