I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
