if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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