Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
