Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
