can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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