You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
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