sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
