Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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