Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
