he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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