so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
