I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
