My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
