I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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