please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
