I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
