He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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