he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
