chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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