did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
