I'm drive I can fine osifer
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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