i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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