you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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