Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
