Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
