Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
