And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
