Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
