In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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