i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
