i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
