the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
