Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
