and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
