So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
