I faked an abortion last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize