blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
