Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
