so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
