I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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