so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
