Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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