We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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