We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
