Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
