I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
