there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
