OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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