your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
