this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
