just come out here and I will go home with you...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
