I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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