He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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