Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
