Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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