So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
